I was torn between the decision to forgive and to leave and hate.
Decided to give chance still. I was too soft hearted for my own good.
Got hurt by my own decision in the end.
Tears swelled and threatened to overspill.
I avoided the crowd and decided to walk home instead of the usual habit of taking the bus.
Took the short cut through the new and yet to be occupied office buildings. The place is rather deserted and its the lunar 7th month, I would have shun the place under normal circumstances. But yesterday, the thought of people seeing my tears stricken face overwhelmed me more than the thought of chancing 'good brothers'.
Ironic isn't it? I rather have met the supernatural (which I'm usually afraid of) rather than fellow human being in times like this. Which is scarier, the 3rd kind or the same kind?
I choose the latter. At least you know they won't hurt you unless you offended them wheres the same kind will do anything to bring you down even if you are just born ugly by their definition.
Anyway, digressed.
Back to Yesterday, called XX to meet me for movie and he readily agreed. Hung up on him when his insensitivity kicks in. Told him not to contact me anymore since he thinks that I always vent my anger on him. Received 6 missed calls and 6 messages from him after that. I know it was juvenile or maybe even attention seeking. My intention wasn't like that.
I'm hurt and I don't need anyone else to do it to me again. Even 1 more is too much for me to handle.
Anyway, he came over uninformed and we went to catch The Final Destination. The movie managed to distract me for awhile but sadness continue to overtake me when I finally get home once again.
If only my tears could flow like the rain last night, then I wouldn't still be grieving over what happened. If only......
To those around me: I know you care but pls, don't ask me what happened. I have no wish to talk about it. This blog entry is for me to let you know that I'm not ok but I will be, in time to come. No offence ok.
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